Before I start ranting I guess I should explain what the f*ck The
Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is. It's the middle film in a trilogy
where dwarves try to reclaim their homeland from a dragon, Smaug, by
using an unexperienced hobbit named Bilbo to steal a jewel from the
dragon that will give them the right to rule over all the dwarves.
Thankfully, the leader of these dwarves is the rightful heir to the
dwarves' kingdom so it's all okay. This is all based on a fairly small
and simple children's book written by J.R.R. Tolkien about greed,
courage, and maturity. But Peter Jackson don't give a f*ck about any of
that! Let's watch a 2 hour story stretched into a 9 hour film!
