"Ethan, you seem like a knowledgeable guy. What do you think of Affleck as Batman?" This question just seems stupid to me. No matter how knowledgeable any person is they can not know that which is unknown. In other words, NO ONE F*CKING KNOWS YET. In addition, who cares? This is as infuriating as everyone commenting on Miley Cyrus at some award show thing. I haven't even seen it and I already know everyone is being ridiculous. This is the same reaction Elvis got when he showed off how skillful he was at using his pelvis. Just let her get it out of her and move on. Can we please grow up? Now we can talk about the movie with the invincible alien with a Jesus complex (Don't they all?) facing off against a billionaire who dresses as a bat at night to punch criminals to hide his deep-seeded issues.
The Affleck
 |
| Oh bullsh*t! Batman would never have a beard! Blasphemy! |
Acting is a weird thing. You can never quite predict any performance.
I'm not going to do what everyone else does and use Heath Ledger as an
example. Instead I will use Michael Keaton and Christian Bale! Woohoo!
When Michael Keaton was cast as Batman people had a hissy fit. You can't
cast Mr. Mom as the Dark Knight! Keaton was a comedy actor for
Grayskull's sake! On the other side of the Spectrum people couldn't wait
for Bale's Batman! That man had acting props and people knew he would
pull it off with gusto! He had that authoritative aura about him, you
know? In the end though, Keaton was the better authoritative dark
avenger and Bale was the better comedic playboy billionaire. What the
f*ck? That's acting! Plus Bale's Batman sounded like Clint Eastwood with
ling cancer. Now I'm not saying Affleck is the most expressive actor in
the line up but he has respect for the source material and as the only
person involved in the project with Oscars (plural) I'm not the least
bit worried. I am however worried about who's going to write the
character he is being paid to portray.
Snyder/Goyer
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| I would never subject you to Goyer's mug. Not that he's ugly! His ears are just too distracting! |
Zack Snyder is one of the
worst writers I've ever seen and David Goyer
seems to do this thing where he stuffs as much "meaning" into a script
as he possibly can like a waiter trying to give his customer diabetes
with a 5 course meal and 2 deserts. That doesn't mean they don't have
strengths; Zack Snyder is an amazing visual director and David Goyer
obviously loves his comics. Those things are what made
Man of Steel
enjoyable; however, the fact that Zack Snyder is touching pen to paper
is scaring the sh*t out of me! Though it will mean that this time around
it'll actually feel like a Snyder film but that's like saying how pee
flavoring will thankfully have more yellow. The biggest issue they'll
face is tone. Making a sci-fi noir isn't the easiest thing and if they
fail at this imagine when they try to bring a warrior princess, a fish king, a
fan boy, and a space soldier into the mix.
What Is In a Name
 |
| Seems legit. |
This one might seem obvious but it really dictates the whole course of
the movie. As a
Man of Steel sequel the film should be about Superman,
right? Yet whenever I look up the name of the film Batman vs. Superman
comes up which is just wrong. Making a movie for the superficial reason
of watching Batman and Superman fight isn't going to work for the sole
reason that Superman is part of it and kryptonite doesn't exist in this
universe (as of yet). Goyer and Snyder have apparently spoke with Frank
Miller about
The Dark Knight Returns so it's safe to assume they're
going to use that as source material for the big brawl. Except that's a
Batman novel about an anarchaic senior citizen fighting against a
fascist super alien, and seeing as how Superman obviously showed how he
didn't want to be part of the government in
Man of Steel that could be a
wee bit difficult to pull off. The solution? DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT BATMAN
FIGHTING SUPERMAN. HAVE IT ABOUT THEM WORKING TOGETHER. That's why the
comics were called
Superman/Batman because if Superman helped Batman
everyone would be saved in a second so how about we get that name down.
We Haven't Seen Sh*t
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| I really, really, really don't like this animation style. Totally unrealistic for comic book standards! |
The closest anyone has gone to seeing Superman and Batman on the same
screen is with the glory of animation, so we can we all please stop
speculating like f*cking idiots. We don't know how Affleck will be in
it, we haven't read the script, we haven't seen the trailer, we have
seen absolutely nothing. So please shut the f*ck up. If you really want
to see them together go watch the animated adaption of The Dark Knight
Returns or Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, or better yet go read the
New 52's Batman/Superman which is amazing. Issue #1 involves their first
meeting/fight and how Batman was trying to figure out his weakness
while Superman was trying to figure out how to not kill the crazy guy in
the bat costume. So please, please shut the f*ck up. Thank you. Now let's make a Wonder Woman movie!
