Sunday, June 9, 2013

The Purge Review

The year is 2022 and America is run by a group known as the New Founding Fathers (How can you found something that's already been founded? Did they just re-market America as New America? I guess they're luckier than Pepsi.) and they have started a national pastime called "purging." Once a year, for 12 hours, everything is legal. You can do whatever you want and no police or ambulances will be on duty. Think about how many stories that premise could tell; hackers bringing down corrupt organizations, banks losing all their money, children burning down schools, and just utter chaos everywhere. Sadly, when I asked my mother for further examples she said "I'd get a better job." In The Purge though, everyone just resorts to killing. That's it. But why do this at all? Read on to find out!

Anger Management

Has a house full of guns, uses a bat. Got a regular Mark McGwire over here!

That's right, it's for regulating rage. Which is bullsh*t. I'm pretty sure we've all been told or at least heard at some time or another that in order to control our rage we have to release short bursts of it on unsuspecting stress balls and innocent pillows. Well guess what? Our brains do this thing where if we enjoy something we create a habit of it and creating a habit of punching sh*t just so that you don't punch sh*t is kinda counter intuitive. The purge is all about how we "purge" to cleanse our soul like America has suddenly turned into a cult in less than a decade. And of course letting everyone kill each other like animals has led to a lower unemployment rate. Wait what?


Being Poor Sucks

Of course the homeless guy is black! Otherwise it wouldn't make sense!

The Purge's "message" is about class struggles and to show that they cram down your throat the fact that the only people who participate in it are the rich (i.e. the only people who don't need to actually participate) and all the victims are the poor (i.e. the only people who actually need to participate). You'd think the purge would cause the poor to go after after the 1%. Oh wait! The poor are now the 1%! Not because the purge has raised employment, but because all the homeless are f*cking dead! Since 3 million is 1% of the populace and we are currently near 12 million unemployed in the nation that means 1 million homeless people have been killed per year in the purge. And the current total homicides per year in the US is 16,259. Holy sh*t!! How is this better?! At least the movie is scary, right? Right?

Trolling
 
U MAD BRO?
Do you remember The Strangers? Well too bad because for the intent of this paragraph you do. Look it up, lazy! The Strangers started a whole thing where people wear masks and troll. And not the trolling you're thinking about. See the good kind of trolling in horror is when the villains plays with our hero. Toys with them. Shows them that they see this as just another game to play. That's scary because it shows the hopelessness of the situation. Then we have the type of trolling where the villain trolls the audience, which is f*cking stupid. It's the scenes where we see the villain behind the main character and then when the main character turns around they're gone. Even though their was no place to hide. The movie is essential trying to scare you with bullsh*t. This movie has tons of that. I'm not scared by someone standing in the background doing nothing. You know what's the weird part though? This movie is actually an action flick.

Rooting for the Underdog

Why is that eye slot there? You have cameras everywhere! WHY??

See the main plot is that this rich family locks down their home when suddenly the caring son opens up the metal doors for a homeless man to hide from a bunch of rich entitled kids. The kids wait outside for the family to turn in the man or else they'll break in and kill everyone. During this time the family contemplates the morals of sending an innocent man out to die versus sheltering him. It's actually interesting watching this family tie him up and even stab him a few times only to realize "Oh sh*t, this is wrong." By the time the kids get their equipment the family decides to fight back. I liked this part of the movie because they didn't cower in fear. They took a stand. The audience literally cheered several times at this part and no matter your feelings about the film that shows a lot.

Conclusion
"Hello, neighbor. Welcome to the neighborhood."
I think it's safe to say the overall review of this movie is negative. So don't let that last bit of praise get to your heads, Ethan Hawke fans! I specifically say Ethan Hawke fans because he gets stabbed to death and when his family needs him the homeless man shows up and saves them all! Ha! Hobo trumps Hawke! I wonder how many people read my blog posts and are offended by what I say. Like a fan of The Strangers or some other movie I probably dislike. It's not my fault I go to the movies for a serviceable story with likeable characters. Chances are your reasons for liking a movie I dislike are totally justifiable like good effects or good action. At the end of the day we just have to remember one simple fact; I'm right and you're wrong so shuddup!