Friday, December 30, 2011

Top 5 Favorite Movies of 2011

Introduction: Here at Spoiler Alert we tend to spoil things for our readers. I know, shocker. But it's why we don't tend to review good movies. Why would we want to spoil such a good movie? Plus good reviews are boring. They use words from the Reviewers Pop Words Encyclopedia like CINEMATIC, ENGAGING, WELL-ACTED, DEEP, EMOTIONAL, and so on and so forth. Who the f*ck wants to hear that sh*t? Let's start, shall we? Oh, and by the way, I haven't seen every great movie this year so please, forgive me.

5. The Descendants: The thing I loved about this movie was George Clooney. Seriously. The Clooney is amazing. As you watch him yell at a grown woman to the point of tears or when he speaks to his comatose wife about how she just made life harder for him instead of easier you really can't help but be totally enthralled in his...his...his flare. If that makes any sense. Sadly, the movie had some standout problems for me that the Clooney just couldn't overshadow.

4. Drive: The thing that really intrigues me about this movie is that it's a western set in 1980's Los Angeles where our nameless gunslinger is a driver-for-hire with some pretty brutal ways of taking guys out. The fact that it mainly works just amazes me. Plus the fact that our hero, Driver, has little to no character other than the hints at his dark past and that he wishes for a future with a family actually works surprisingly well with the film's use of juxtaposition. Problem? Where the f*ck is the driving? Where the f*ck is the looming threat of the mob no one seems to show me? Why the hell do people I don't care about get gruesome deaths while those I want to see get gruesome deaths get their deaths off screen? 

3. Moneyball: Ok, ok, I didn't see Tree of Life, alright? But this Brad Pitt movie is good too. In fact, it's really good. Like imagine the tension of a baseball film, but from behind the curtain. The thing that I really love about this movie is Jonah Hill. He reminds me of Will Ferris in Stranger Than Fiction in the way he plays it so straight and so subtlety. And Brad Pitt does a great job acting here. He really pulls this movie along even when it's slow. And there in lies its problem, it's slow...

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Sure it's a remake. But it's also David Fincher. It's a hell of a lot like the original except the new director makes this stand out by so much. I LOVE THE CINEMATOGRAPHY. Every shot in this movie looks like a painting. It's gorgeous. The girl with the dragon tattoo, Lisbeth, is amazing. Daniel Craig is...Daniel Craig, but this movie just looks amazing. The intro looks like a psychotic version of a James Bond intro and the ending is different in a very good way that trumps the original. Plus the main characters remind me of Batman and Commissioner Gordon :P

1. X-Men First Class: Before I go into why I love this movie so much let's talk about what I at least didn't love; 1) Kevin Bacon turning into an evil-for-no-reason character from a Nazi, 2) The team being all kids, 3) Kevin Bacon's team not really saying anything, and 4) The effects ranging from great to bad. Here is what I absolutely loved; 1) Every. Single. Scene with Magneto, 2) Every scene with Magneto and Charles Xavier, 3) Magneto being made to be the smart character, 4) Xavier made to look like the naive character, 5) Mystique mirroring the audiences shift from Xavier's side to Magneto's, 6) Magneto killing Nazis, 7) The Cuban Missile Crisis, 8) The erasing of X3 and Wolverine, and 9) Wolverine's cameo. I love this movie. Sure, there are obvious flaws but the overall piece overshadows the flaws. This movie's center was Xavier and Magneto and it nailed it on the f*cking head. Plus it's the only movie I liked so much I saw it twice. Oh, and hahaha Xavier got shot even though he was wearing a bulletproof suit :P

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