4 Reasons I'm Not Seeing the Wizard of Oz Prequel

Introduction: A good sequel should respect the rules of the previous movie. This doesn't mean that it can't be good. Terminator 2 didn't respect the rules of the first Terminator yet not only was it awesome but actually better than the original. A good prequel should to do this too. Here are some reasons I don't want to see the new Wizard of Oz prequel not as a movie (you know, since I haven't seen it yet), but as a prequel to one of my favorite films of all time.

3 Reasons to See the New Twilight Movie

Introduction: The Twilight series is known as the greatest love story ever made between two lifeless husks trying to look at each other without having an aneurism. One of those husks is a vampire named Eduardo who is preying on wannabe jail bait named Bella who has a werewolf bff named Care Bear of Friendship. Twilight Part 5 Break Dawn Part 2 is the climax of this series. That sentence is the first and last time the word climax will be placed next to Twilight. Here are some reasons why you should see it!

Cloud Atlas Review

Introduction: You may have heard of Cloud Atlas. It's that trailer with a small cast of great actors filling several roles in 6 stories spanning centuries of human history. You may have definitely asked yourself "What the hell does Cloud Atlas mean?" Well instead of doing nothing like you did I went to Wikipedia, the most reliable source on the internet, and according to the writer Cloud is supposed to represent something changing and ever shifting while Atlas is supposed to represent something constant and eternal. It's about changing the natural order of the world. It's about challenging parts of life that bind us and breaking free of them like slavery, persecution, prosecution, lies, and even institutions. Welcome to the cloud.

Paranormal Activity 4 Review

Introduction: I liked the first Paranormal Activity. It built upon "that fear." You know, that fear we all have when we're alone inside a moderately sized home at night and we hear weird noises and instead of thinking "Sh*t, man, that's just rats and sh*t" we instead think "Sh*t, man! That's ghosts and sh*t!" It feeds on our primitive and superstitious fears that are really just caused by piping. Seriously, ghosts are pipes. But as the series continued with sequel upon sequel the novelty wore off and we realized that our actual piping is more frightening. Omg! It's clogged with hair!

Looper Review

Introduction: Imagine you're part of the mob and it's 60 years into the future. Apparently, "Big Brother" tracks every single person so well you can't even murder someone and hide their body. That can't be good for business. So you decide to invent MOTHERF*CKING TIME TRAVEL. But what do you do with such technology? Do you A) Go back in time and start a revolution so that the government doesn't control everything in the future? B) Begin investing money in the past over and over so that in the future everyone is rich? C) Dispose of "problems" by sending them to a point in time when the Earth didn't exist? Or do you D) Send these "problems" to the very recent past where you actually have to pay people to do something you can do for free with relatively less work while taking the chance of horribly f*cking up the space time continuum? If you picked D then you'll love Looper!

Why Dredd is Awesome

Introduction: The Raid was a f*cking great movie. It was the story of police officers facing off against a building full of criminals. The latest film, Dredd, is the exact same thing. I'm not saying anything extreme like Dredd being as good or being a rip-off. I just wanted to shamelessly promote my site even further. No, Dredd  is a different beast. Raid was a film that highlighted kung-fu and action over story and characters. Dredd highlights graphic violence and subtlety. Dredd is based off a comic book where radiation has ravaged the Earth and now Mega Cities contain large densities of the population. The great idea sprung from this is that people known as Judges roam the city as combined forms of judge, jury, and executioner to deal with all the violence. Gotta think about the budget.

Director Review: Christopher Nolan

Introduction: For several weeks now I have been trying to figure out how to write my Dark Knight Rises review. I had a lot to say but it was so broad and really dealt with how it tied with the series as a whole. Then I thought what if I wrote about the whole trilogy? But that would take way too much time out of my busy schedule (ie sleeping). So why not a review of Christopher Nolan's work as a whole? It'll be like thoughts on who he is and his work. Truth be told, I love the man's work. I admire his use of film and traditional special effects as well as how he plays around with themes. Some people may not like him but I don't give a sh*t. Let's start with Memento!

The Amazing Spiderman Review

Introduction: When it comes to trilogies and series the movies involved in them need to stand on their own two feet. You should never be forced to watch another film in the series just to resolve the central story in another. Each movie should be strong stand alone films with connecting plot points between them being more sidelined and hinted at instead of being the main focus. You can see this in Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and even the Avengers (san Iron Man 2). In recent years though Hollywood has tried to create trilogies by releasing half-movies; movies that have half the plot being the movie and half being unanswered questions that would force the audience to watch the next one such as Golden Compass, Green Lantern, Prometheus, and now The Amazing Spiderman.

Prometheus Review

Introduction: Ridley Scott is a fantastic director. When it comes to visuals, environment, style, and just the world itself he does a fantastic job. He really knows how to make a breathable world and you can see this in his other films like Alien, Blade Runner, and even Gladiator. And when you start watching Prometheus it is actually pretty good. It's builds up tension and mystery...or so it seems. As the film progresses less and less things make sense and the film degrades into stupidity with no resolution and you leave the theater thinking "Huh?" The reason that is is because the writer Damon Lindelof is f*cking incompetent. See Damon is the guy who wrote for the TV series Lost and that show had the same problem. In the beginning it started off good but as it progressed it became stupider and stupider and nothing was resolved. It's not horrible, but I wouldn't call it good...

A Six-Piece Review

Introduction: Sometimes when I watch a movie I just kind of decide not to write about it cause it was exactly what you'd expect and I wouldn't really be spoiling anything. And where is the fun in that? But sometimes people still want to hear my opinion on it. Almost as if they think I'll say something different or will have some insight. Well I think that depends more on the reader then the writer, I suppose. So here are 6 movies I saw that were exactly what you thought they would be, except maybe Battleship. But I'll get to that soon.

The Avengers Review

So let's tackle the looming question; why the f*ck is the Avengers so awesome? Is it because the acting is top notch? Or maybe it's because the actions scenes are directed to perfection? Or it could be that the special effects look amazing and realistic? Or is it the dialogue and script? Well it's all of those things, but the thing that really makes it so awesome is just that the movie actually works. This is a film that combines such genres as war, fantasy, sci-fi, action, spy thriller, and even horror. The fact that it combines all of those things perfectly and works on every level is actually a miracle. This mainly due to Joss Whedon who is renowned as a man who can juggle genres and multiple characters seamlessly. Gawd bless him. Without him this film would have sucked.

The Three Stooges Review

Introduction: I know that some of you reading this might be thinking that I'm going to totally rip this movie a new one and talk about how awful it is to see movies like this still being made. I know that some of you watched the trailer and when you did your hearts filled with hate and anger and grabbed your pitchforks in retaliation to this movie. So what I'm about to say might actually scare you; The Three Stooges isn't that bad...

Lockout/ Blue Like Jazz/ Cabin in the Woods Review

Introduction: F*ck, this was a busy movie weekend. I actually can't believe how much time I spent sitting down in a theater burning my eyes out. So I decided to do another trifecta on movies. But before I start I just have to say this; go see Cabin in the Woods. It's an amazing movie that I keep hearing people say is like Hunger Games. IT IS NOT LIKE HG. That movie was a simple post-apocalyptic story. This is something completely different and I reallllly don't want to give it away because it's THAT good. See it. Now back to our reviews!

The Raid: Redemption Review

Introduction: My favorite action film of all time is Die Hard. I f*cking love that movie and even enjoy the rest of the series (sans numbah 2). The reason I'm telling you this is because The Raid: Redemption is the kung fu version of Die Hard. It's absolutely amazing. No seriously, it's my favorite movie of the year so far. I've seen it twice. I want to see it a third time. I want to bring as many males as humanly possible to see this movie. And females if they are hunky dory with blood, violence, and a hell of a lot of awesome. The film is actually a set up piece where a SWAT team raids a drug lord's building only for things to go horribly wrong. Now our hero must save those who are still alive and escape the building. One man. A building full of baddies. People to save. Sound familiar?

Hunger Games Review

Introduction: When I went to see this movie I came 20 minutes early yet still had to sit in the very front row. Their were a lot of tweens but I thought nothing of it. Boy was that stupid. I soon found out these tweens were the same ones who were screaming when I saw any Twilight movie. This put me in a somber mood as the movie played and I had to sit through 2 and half hours a yard from the silver screen as a crowd of idiots were screaming behind me about how hot Peter was. STFU!!! I'M TRYING TO WATCH THIS GOOD MOVIE!!!

Casa de Mi Padre Review

Introduction: Do you know what telenovela means? You don't! Well I'm here to enlighten youuuuuuuuuu. Telenovela is the mixture of television and novels. Get it? TELE-NOVEL-A??? Anyways, it's Spanish soap opera. And guess who decided to make a parody of it? Willlll Ferrell! Git it! He's white! Anyways, the movie is about a rancher named Armando whose brother, Raul, returns home with much fortune for the family's dying business as well as a beautiful fiance who Armando falls for. But a twist of events unravels their lives as drug lord Onza has come to kill Raul and take his fiance for his own. Dun dun dunnnnn! Let's get into what exactly makes up this film, shall we.

Project X Review

Introduction: I'm not much of a party guy. I don't get drunk. I don't take drugs. I don't even dance that much. I like to keep a clear head and stay focused. Just like I do in the movies. But I've been to a rave or two, and I've been to several parties. So I can say quite easily that this is definitely a party movie. DUH. It honestly brings up memories of those 70s and 80s movies like Animal House and Weird Science except this one seems to be made for the smart phone era... And thus for stupid people.

Mission Impossible 4 Review

Introduction: Their is a film critic known as Movie Bob who I actually respect and I think he is a very rational man, though he does tend to be blind to certain things, just like the rest of us. A while ago he wrote a little piece about the similarities between Sherlock Holmes 2 and Mission Impossible 4 and how they are both bad movies. This kinda gave me the urge to see neither movie though I did end up seeing Sherlock Holmes 2. Recently though I saw Mission Impossible 4 and guess what folks? It was good. In fact, it was better then Sherlock Holmes 2. I shall now break down why it was better and why it was a good film in general.

Chronicle Review

Introduction: This movie is f*cking awesome. It's a perfect blend of found-footage and superhero films that can be exhilarating, hysterical, dark, honest, and reminiscent of those anime cartoons you'd watch as a child after school. It pulls inspiration from Dragonball Z, Akira, Carrie, X-Men, and Superman and thanks to telekinesis the hand held camera switches between first and third person beautifully giving you those close emotional moments and also those big action driven moments. If this doesn't change how people direct found footage movies I don't know what will...

The Artist/ Red Tails/ Underworld 4 Review

Introduction: In the month of January I saw three movies one day after the other. The first with my mother, the second with one of my best friends, and the third with a group of friends. You probably already know which movies I saw based on this title so instead of doing three reviews I decided to do a trifecta to start up the year. Plus it'll give me a chance to teach you all something about movies.

Passing Thoughts of 2011

Introduction: Over the past year I've seen a lot of movies. Seriously, A LOT OF MOVIES. But I do not review all of them. So I thought it would be nice to look back on the year on all the movies I either didn't review, didn't mention in my top 5 favorites or worst list, or just saw after the year already passed. Oh, and no romantic comedies. Just no...