Introduction: When I first saw Toy Story 3 I loved it. If you read my review on facebook you probably know that already. But I had this weird feeling that everything was just so similar. I couldn't shake this feeling. Then I saw it on Netflix recently. Wow, they f*cking got me. Pixar actually used the fact that everyone thinks they can't make a bad movie by making Toy Story 2 all over again and have people believe it's a f*cking classic. Don't get me wrong though, I still enjoy the movie, it just pisses me off that they would do this...
Woody: So we start the movie with all the toys being owned by a now seventeen year old Andy. BOOM!!! They just got the entire audience demographic who saw the first Toy Story at a young age. No one in the theater realizing the toys are now watching Andy masturbate to free porn sites. Anyways, Woody and the Gang are soon separated and Woody finds himself with a new owner. Sound familiar? He gets back together with the Gang and they work together to defeat an old, once thought kind toy with a cane on an elaborate conveyor system. Ugh.
Buzz: So Buzz starts the movie as a first mate to Woody. He leads the group through Sunnyside until he becomes incapacitated by a reset Buzz. The only difference from the last movie is that now normal Buzz is simply reset instead of substituted by another character. Woo! The Gang tries to fix him and then BAM!!! BUZZ EN ESPANOL!!! I actually find this character f*cking hysterical. I laugh every time. And then the Gang resets Buzz to normal in order to fix him... Oh wait, nevermind, He gets fixed from having a TV fall on his head. I guess when Jesse hinted at reactivating Buzz's Spanish Mode in the attic she had a spare TV lying around *recalls* Actually, they did say the old TV was still in the attic...
The Gang: They just keep on doubting Woody. After 17 f*cking years. They learn Woody was right and that they miss him and when he shows up they say the predictable line "WOODY!!!" Not really much I can say besides the new Shakespearean porcupine is a great new character.
Ken and Barbie: It's funny and all but what the f*ck was the point? So that they can rule over Sunnyside at the end? Why the hell would any of the toys there be okay with that?
Lotso and Sunnyside: So this old, kind looking character promises a paradise but turns out to be evil. Same f*cking villain as the last one. And after Buzz and Woody escape very easily in the previous scenes and even after Woody infiltrates Sunnyside very easily apparently it's extremely f*cking difficult to get out because of a monkey. And how does Woody and the Gang get told about all this? A phone. A phone just magically knows everything and after saying he has been inside for a long time and can't be broke he then becomes broke by the people who were supposedly keeping watch in the first place. WHAT???
The Inferno: So Woody and the Gang get to the dump. They watch as the three aliens get pushed away and they are soon pushed away by the same machine onto the conveyor belt. But the aliens are nowhere to be found. WHAT?!?! Then Slinky gets drawn to a magnet and all the toys grab metal to get up to the top except Lotso. Woody and Buzz then use their weight to grab onto a golf club to help Lotso without being lifted up and then all three of them grab the single golf club and get lifted up. Looks like some writer forgot about the laws of physics. Hard. Then the Gang is back on the floor including Slinky even though the magnet is still on. STOP BREAKING THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!!! Lotso escapes and then they believe they are about to die when suddenly a crane comes down and grabs them to reveal the aliens can teleport... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUanyways, the movie keeps going to show the toys are now with a new owner. The end.
Conclusion: Just so I make this clear I actually cried when I saw the ending of this movie for the first time. I even enjoy this movie a little. It's not friggin horrible. It's just not as f*cking astounding as many audiences and critics make it out to be since it is so damn similar to the previous film. Remember folks, Pixar can make bad movies too (ie Cars series)
