Introduction: It's a film based on a comic book based on a viking religion trying to integrate itself into a universe with mechanical battle suits, a giant green man, and a WWII hero... and it pulls it off well, damn well.
Dreamland: Get it? Because Jack Kirby helped write it...Well I thought it was funny! Anyways, the design of Asgard feels like it belongs in the 80s. It's like He-Man and Hercules all over again! Asgard is so big it looks fake and costumes just make you want to giggle because the film actually wants you to take it seriously. Otherwise, it's an interestingly fleshed out world...I mean land...Dreamland.
Ice Box: It's a McGuffin. It's freezes stuff. And it's a box. It's held up in the Dreamland Armory even though it is shown to contain lightning a certain villain didn't think about using it... anyways, it originally belonged to a certain group of people....
Smurfs: The frost giants are a race of giants composed of stone and can produce ice on their person like knives and such and live in one of the 9 realms ruled under Dreamland. They aren't really evil or anything so couldn't it be said that Thor is racist and indulged in a hate crime? Oh well, let's call them the Smurfs of the Snow Level.
Papa Smurf: Except he doesn't wear red and thus you cannot distinguish him from any of the other Smurfs unless they close up on his face when he talks menacingly. After Thor starts a war with his people he casually talks to Loki even though he wants to kill Asgardians and then is lead into the heart of Asgard to kill Odin instead of sending a lacky which would have been easier. So why is this guy evil again? Didn't he just want more freedom from Asgard and tried to rebel only to get his ass handed to him and then having his people's most sacred object stolen even though Asgard has a room full of weapons that are probably more powerful...Sounds like Avatar...LEAVE THE BLUE PEOPLE ALONE!!!
Rainbow Bridge: Must. Refrain. From gay joke. Just imagine a multicolored wormhole connecting 2 worlds together like Dreamland and the Snow Level. It's how travel works in this film. Except for some reason when Mjolnir goes through the Rainbow Bridge it comes out somewhere different. Also, if you keep the rainbow bridge open it will turn into a death ray...WHAT?!?
Black Wizard: Heimdall is a gatekeeper. Of the Rainbow Bridge. And he is now black instead of white. I've heard some people complain about this and I have a perfectly legit reason why he was turned black. It's because he is God. He is hinted as being as powerful if not more so than Odin, can see and hear anything anywhere, and not even freezing him works. He is the same character we have seen in Bruce Almighty, Shawshank Redemption, and The Shining. I call this character the Black Wizard. Trust me, you see them more than you realize...*cou-all of Morgan Freeman's films-gh*
Odin: He is the god of gods, all powerful, defeated an entire race, is wise and smart, has been shown to magically teleport since the writers couldn't think of anything else, and gets brought down to a coma by Loki yelling at him. ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME!?!? I don't care how old you are; IMMORTAL IS IMMORTAL.
Loki: When we first see Loki he has slick black hair which can only mean one thing: He is the villain. For most of the film Loki is totally in the right. He respects his father, doesn't want Thor, the jocky, to be king, and is quite clever and nice. After finding out he is part Smurf (possibly Papa Smurf's son) he yells Odin into a coma and resents him only for Odin's wife to give her thirty seconds of dialogue which cause Loki to love his father again and resent the Smurfs...What? So now he is king and instead of doing something retarded like bring Thor back since their was a good reason for him to banished he goes to see Thor and tells him he is not allowed back home because of a truce with the Smurfs and that Odin is dead. Why does he say this? Couldn't he just say the truth and that even though he is the king he would be unwise to allow Thor admittance back home for his arrogance? Though that leaves the chance for Thor to change and come back home so I don't know. He then tries to pick up Mjolnir only to find that he can't pick it up so he sends Furnace Man to kill Thor so he will never be able to get back home again. Wait, couldn't he just tell the Black Wizard to not let Thor through? Or how about put another spell on Mjolnir since he is now king that will make it so no one can carry it? Later on, he tricks Papa Smurf into trying to kill Odin to only kill Papa Smurf instead. I still can't get by the fact that Odin's wife speech about Odin not wanting Loki to feel different as something that could not only let him love him again but also hate the Smurfs so much more. And in the end he turns the rainbow bridge into a death ray turn murder every Smurf ever because he wants to make Odin proud which doesn't make any sense since Odin detested the idea of bloodshed of any race and Loki agreed with him on this.Oh and did I forget to mention he knows a magically way around the Rainbow Bridge to get to other worlds. Do they find this secret path? Nope *shrug* I guess that wasn't important.
Furnace Man: To make sure Thor doesn't pick up Mjolnir Loki sends Furnace Man to go kill him and would you believe it Furnace Man can not only completely obliterate people but he can also blow up automobiles. But instead of complete vaporization Furnace Man pimp slaps Thor. Why? Because now he is still tangible to hold Mjolnir. DUH!!! Furnace Man is just here to be a guard and give Thor a threat in order to get Mjolnir back. Woo.
Sif: The goddess of war and probably Thor's best friend. Yeah, she is in this movie. Yeah, can't really say anything else beyond that. Go Sif?
The Mighty Three: Just imagine a scotsman, Robin Hood, and a samurai and you have these three. I guess they are here to show Thor's connection to Asgard? I can't really say much other than the scotsman sure loves to eat.
Thor: Finally, we're at the main character. When I first saw the footage for this movie I was worried. It reminded me of The Lion King. Here we have this asshole of a character and you expect me to root for him? Are you f*cking kidding me? Thankfully, Odin isn't Mufasa and sees that his son is a brat and banishes him to teach him a lesson. And now we can start liking Thor since he was already punished for his arrogance and now we can start believing that he will change versus still wanting him to get punished. He is actually portrayed quite well as a warrior. He kicks ass, acts strangely and rudely,and whatever. It's weird though when he behaves with caring for the first time since before all he wanted to do was genocide a whole race but maybe he is learning something from being so powerless? Who knows. Anyways, he isn't willing to tell anyone the truth about himself even though when he shows up he won't shut up about who he is. His transition from asshole to noble hero feels weird. At first, he beats the sh*t out of hospital people, then he politely eats a meal, then he acts charming, then he beats the sh*t of SHIELD, then he becomes depressed, then acts charming again, WTF?!? After beating up SHIELD Loki tells him Odin is dead because of him so Thor decides to uust dwell amongst the humans. But when he finds out Loki lied to him about his father instead of being super angry as he would he sacrifices himself to save Jane and apologizes to Loki for something neither he nor I know about. Did he really change that much within that time frame? Feels quick in context to the fact that Thor is presented as a stubborn character. It doesn't fail, but it's pushing it. Oh, and for the love of GOD get rid of the cape. I'm sorry, but wouldn't he look cooler without it?
Ego, Id, and Superego: This is actually quite brilliant. The ego, id, and superego and psychoanalytical terms. The ego being your consciousness or just you. Your id is your primitive instincts like sex. Your superego is your conscious that tells you what is right and wrong. Jane is the ego, Darcy is the id, and Erik is the superego. Sadly, this makes it feel like each of these characters aren't completely realized. In fact, the easiest thing to do would have been to take all these characters and combine them into one character: Jane. Othwise, they are feel incomplete. Except for maybe Erik.
SHIELD: One of the things I did not like about Iron Man 2 was the B story of SHIELD because it felt more like an Avengers trailer than anything else. In Thor though, they feel much more like a government organization that knows more than they are sharing and actually are implemented well into the story. Just blended in perfectly. If only Iron Man 2 did it like this. Ugh.
Hawkeye: HAWKEYE IS IN THE MOVIE!!! AND HE IS PLAYED BY JEREMY RENNER!!! OMG!!! By the way, does any one else find it weird that they decided to implement the hero of he Avengers whose only ability is to use a bow and arrow really well in a film about another hero who is basically a god. Yeah...that's going to be hard to pull off in the Avengers film...
Conclusion: It's an 80's movie for the new generation. I couldn't ask for a better iteration of Jack Kirby's Thor no matter how silly it looks. It's nowhere near perfect but it's fun. And you know what? This is exactly how The Lion King should have been. Loki should have turned into Scar, Odin into Mufasa, Smurfs into Hyenas, and so on and so forth. Thor: The Better Simba
