Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Harry Potter 7.5 Review

Introduction: Reviewing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is a tad interesting because since it is the end of the series the only way to review it is as a climax. That means everything we've seen so far should culminate in this single film. I was happy to hear that the director was bringing back EVERYONE. But can someone please tell me why Albus' brother was randomly introduced at the end of the series? By the way, since this is the climax instead of going by character I am going by scene. Got it? Good, let's get started.

Wands: So when I walked into the theater I see Harry talking to the old wand maker discussing wands and how one is made for each person. Unless you disarm them, I guess. Wait, does that mean that everyone Harry has disarmed are now unable to use their wands to their full power. You'd think disarming someone would be a bigger deal then but whatever.

Bank Heist: So then the group go rob a bank with a goblin who works there in exchange for the only weapon they have that can destroy horcruxes. This part of the movie confuses me because this bank is supposedly the most secure in the world. First, they infiltrate it with only polly juice potion and the Jedi mind trick spell (seriously?) while the SLOWEST GUARD IN THE UNIVERSE walks up to them in the background. They then go on a roller coaster and the goblin they are with forgets about a waterfall that destroys enchantments. Wait, do potions count as enchantments? *shrug* So then they are dropped off in the middle of the bank where they could literally go anywhere they want. Literally anywhere. And for some reason the goblin gets dropped too. So wait, if a thief got in then the system would try and kill the innocent goblin too? What kind of f*cking system is this? Then, I sh*t you not, they get to their vault which is guarded by a dragon. WHAT?!?! They enter the vault that doesn't allow magic and magic begins happening with cloning gold and flashing lights. Why doesn't everyone clone their f*cking money!? Harry gets a horcrux (a cup) and Hermione puts it in her bag... Wait, wait, wait, wait, Why. The f*ck. Didn't she do that with the necklace?! Oh right, because then the last movie would have been f*cking boring -_- The goblin takes their sword and disappears and leaves them Wait what?! Where did he go?! Did he teleport away?! If so then that means they could have done that from the beginning!! Oh well, he probably hid behind a pillar... So anyways, the gang steals the dragon. Why wasn't the dragon magically protected so that sh*t like this can't happen? (I can't believe I'm about to say this) From the LACK of magic. *facepalm*

Harry Arrives to Hogwarts: After speaking with Albus' brother for about 5 minutes Harry, Ron, and Hermione infiltrate Hogwarts and Harry reveals himself to Snape in front of everyone. This scene is the most badass scene in the movie. McGonagall defends Harry and kicks Snape's ass. I fist pumped to this scene. F*ck yeah. Then she imprisons all of Slytherin... because they're assholes? *shrug* And thus, Harry runs to find the next horcrux while Ron and Hermione go to the Chamber of Secrets.

Killing Horcruxes: So Harry goes to ask a ghost from the first film (Remember? You didn't care about her. I guess she was important but Rowling didn't want to develop her...) where the tiara horcrux is and she tells him after noting that Harry reminds her of Voldemort... Wtf? Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione use a snake fang to stab a cup and suddenly make out. Ron and Hermione sitting in a tree. K. I. S. S. I. N. G. Then they go find Harry in the Room of Requirement where Draco and his group are also at. Oh by the way, the castle is being attacked and Draco was the ONLY PERSON who realized you can just teleport in (in fact, a large group of Death Eaters die because they forgot they can fly and/or teleport). Yadda, yadda, yadda, they kill the tiara.

Snape? Snape?! SNAAAPE!!!: So Harry infiltrates Voldemort's mind and goes to find him at the bathhouse to kill his snake (the last horcrux). When they get there they witness Snape's death which was directed beautifully. But before Snape dies, and after Voldemort leaves, Harry goes to his side and extracts his memories from him via tears which confuses me because I thought you had to use a wand and it had to come directly from thine noggin. Harry then learns the truth.

The Truth: Snape loves Lily. He hates Harry's asshole of a father. He killed Dumbledore because Dumbledore asked him too. And Harry is a horcrux because when Voldemort killed Harry's mother a piece of his soul attached itself to him which doesn't make any sense. Hasn't Voldemort killed hundreds of people? Shouldn't he have hundreds of soul fragments? And if all you need to do is kill someone to have a piece of your soul fly out then why hasn't any OTHER wizard have his soul divide up? And why did his soul attach itself to Harry? And do not say because Harry is alive!! In Half-Blood Prince it is specifically stated that horcruxes are "objects."

The Sacrifice... Kinda: So Harry goes to die to kill the part of him that's a horcrux. Voldemort performs the killing curse and Harry goes to limbo. Dumbledore and Voldemort's soul fragment are there too! Dumbledore explains that the part of Harry that was Voldemort died in place of him *points to Voldemort in limbo* Wrong. And why are you there, Dumbledore? Wait, isn't this the second time Harry has been killed? Oh wait, never mind, his mom performed the most convenient plot device ever. So then Dumbledore says Harry can go back to life since they are in limbo. Hey!! Dumbledore!! Why can't Voldemort!? Why can't you!? Why is a limbo a train station!? Haven't you seen Matrix Revolutions!? Train stations are bad ideas!!

Comedy Time: Paragraph ten and we finally get to Comedy Time. Wait what? *looks at note cards* Yupp, this is the part of the movie I was laughing during. Which, in case you haven't noticed, is the WRONG EMOTIONAL RESPONSE FOR THE CLIMAX. So after Neville gives a speech and then gets knocked down Harry then runs away from Voldemort leaving all the Death Eaters dumbfounded and me laughing hysterically. They clash throughout the castle as Ron and Hermione try to kill his snake. Suddenly, Neville gets back up in an absolutely hysterical way because a flaming Death Eater is flying by his head. Classic. He goes to help Ron and Hermione while Harry and Voldemort clash for the final time. Neville then cuts off the snake's head with the sword from the beginning of the film (courtesy of the sorting hat) and while Voldemort is weak Harry steals the Elder Wand which is actually his and Voldemort turns to ash... I'm confused... Why did he turn to ash? Oh!! I know!! MAGIC!!! -___- Also, when Voldemort and Harry clash with magic Harry's magic is red and Voldemort's is green. I get that those are the colors of their houses but I thought the whole point was that this has escalated from a fighting of houses to a fight between good and evil. Listen up folks, green is the color of youth, growth, and willpower. Red is the color of bloodshed, anger, and passion. The colors should be reversed. I know that seems like a small argument (it very much is) but just look at Star Wars. Oh, and in the end Harry breaks the Elder Wand and we see life for everyone 19 years in the future. The end.

Conclusion: Before I say anything else let me just say that I have read the entire Harry Potter series and loved it. I remember reading the last book in Washington in one sitting in front of a beautiful meadow. What a great day. But I'm not reviewing the book, I'm reviewing the movie. And even though I can point out all the inconsistent things within the film series I still enjoyed myself and really like these characters. I was heart broken when the film showed Lupin and Tonks laying dead inches apart from each others grasp. That was poetry. Beautiful poetry. My whole point is that this movie is not deserving of a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. It was an entertaining conclusion to a magical series, but do not confuse conclusion with triumph.