Introduction: Wow. Just wow. I actually really liked this movie. A lot. Who would have thought a reboot/ prequel/ remake could actually turn out to be the best movie this summer?
Franco: So here is a scientist who isn't evil and raises a monkey (1). His goal is to cure his father of Alzheimer's. That's like it. Seriously... *tries to think of character traits* He is James Franco? Oh, and his cure for Alzheimer's ends up making monkeys (2) super smart and kills humans. This is why we test folks. For science.
Slumdog Chick: So there is a nurse who falls for Franco (off screen) and she basically brings up the main question and point of the film so you (ie THE AUDIENCE) know what the f*ck this movie is trying to teach us... Jurassic Park did it better.
Asshole #1: Asshole number one is a CEO who tests drugs on monkeys (3) ^_^b
Asshole #2: Asshole number two is Draco Malfoy showing us that his magic allows him to enter other films and be the asshole the Harry Potter series has stuck him with. He also shows us that the downfall of humankind isn't just science, but humans being assholes ^_^b
Neighbor: I just wanted to say this guy has the worst luck ever. Family scared to death by a monkey (4), attacked by a monkey (5), gets his finger bitten off by a monkey (6), and gets sick by a lethal man made virus, HA you thought I was going to say monkey (7).
Intermission: Before you wonder why the f*ck the above paragraphs are so damn small let me just say this is really everything these characters do. Raise a monkey (8), be hot, or be a f*cking asshole. Just remember we don't give a f*ck about these guys at all. What do we care about? Monkeys (9). Revolting. Against. Humanity.
Mean Ole Inmate: So there is this monkey (10) who is the head monkey (11) at the monkey (12) facility. He thinks he is all that, ripping other monkey's (13) clothes, beating up other monkeys (14), and so on and so forth. But soon Caesar shows him who is boss by freeing a giant monkey (15), I mean a gorilla. Seeing Caesar's intelligence as well as his kindness he grows to respect him. How often do you see a movie where the supposed evil character ends up not being that evil and respects our story's hero...I mean monkey (16).
Tester: One of the first monkeys (17) tested with the new Alzheimers antidote is a monkey (18) who is visibly shown to have been tested, beaten, and taken advantage of. Seriously, they say he went through a lot of testing. In the end, he get his revenge against those who wrongly tested on him by killing Asshole #1.
Caesar: So after his mother is killed for trying to protect him Caesar is taken home by Franco (obviously a wonderful father figure) where Franco finds out the Alzheimer's cure administered in his mother was passed down to him granting him a higher intelligence. Franco raises him and teaches him sign language. As he gets older he questions things more, longs for contact but getting none, and grows a stronger bond with Franco, Slumdog Chick, and Franco's father. Soon Franco's father is pushed around by the neighbor which causes Caesar to attack him. Caesar's actions puts him in a facility for aggressive subjects such as himself. At first he is confused as to why he is treated so harshly, but thanks to his ever growing intelligence he shows everyone that he will not be treated as a pet nor as a prisoner, but as a completely free individual with a strong voice. After giving all his fellow cellmates the Alzheimer's cure to make them smarter they revolt and rebel, Caesar now has a sense of belonging he has never had. They then gather more followers for their goal of freedom. In the end, Caesar reaches the open and free wilderness with new his brethren where Franco meets him for a final goodbye.
Conclusion: Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a movie about primates, not about humans. The humans are there to tell us, the human audience, to stop testing on animals and being such assholes. I don't know about you, but that's a refreshing message. The story revolving around Caesar is a great one, although not quite perfect. Overall, I highly recommend this movie and this is probably the only review I'll write with the word monkey 19 f*cking times.
